Jiah... a poem for a girl so ugly...

Wanna go for a ride?
sure Ken!
well forget it!
I'm an ugly girl my face makes you hurl
Sad I have it I should bag it
Acne everywhere unwanted facial hair
I'm a relation to frankenstein's creation
Ur so ugly u disgust me
I'm a bland homly girl all alone in the world
I'm as flat as a board, thin and lanky
Your a dog and a troll were u hit by a train
Don't go near u cuz ur breath is skanky
Don't get touched I'm afraid cuz guys say I'm an eye sore (ooh ooh)
I'm an ugly girl my face makes you hurl
Sad I have it I should bag it
Acne everywhere unwanted facial hair
I'm a relation to frankenstein's creation
Ur so ugly u disgust me (boo hoo hoo yea)
Ur so ugly u disgust me ( ooo ooo ooo ooo)
O let's go out and have some fun
I'm sorry but ur 2 damn ugly
o screw u ken!

Deepika... a poem for a girl so beautiful...

I'm walking behind you... On your wedding day...
And I'll hear you promise... To love and obey...
Though you may forget me... You're still on my mind...
Look over your shoulder... I'm walking behind...
Maybe I'll kiss again... With a love that's new...
But I shall wish again... I was kissing you...
As I'll always love you... Wherever you go...
And though we are parted... I want you to know...
That if things go wrong, dear... And fate is unkind...
Look over your shoulder... I'm walking behind...

Kim Sharma has a big ass bottom

Does my ass look big in this? That's the question that Kim Sharma put to onlookers. And this is the answer she got back... you're everything looks BIG... and not just in this... but in everything.

Pray for Karan Johar, pray for his sexuality

Karan Johar... singing to himself... Mera yaar bana hai dulha, aur phool kileh hain dil ke... arrey meri bhi shaadi ho jaaye, duwa karo sab milke... Everybody raise your hands to the heavans... and pray to the one that created this fine specimen of manhood... that this K-jo shall meet his Love-Jo... soon. Any takers out there for an asexual?

Deepika worried as a first time Dulhan

Nervous as hell. And worried about her coming nuptials. Here is a bride to be that has all the worries of the world on her petite little shoulders. Deepika is all set to be crowned as the Bride of Bollywood... her baraat will be coming this Diwali... wish her well.

Tanisha tries to flaunt her chest for all

Kajol's little sister is so proud of her chest that she is trying to flaunt it the best way she can... by raising up her head... but somehow I don't think is helping. Tanisha needs to really get a grip of herself... Neal and Nikki was one big disaster... we saw more of her in that movie then her husband will see of her on her suhaag raat... Tanisha we love your didi but we don't love you...

Hrithik Roshan starves at Ghai's party

Hrithik Roshan is so busy these days that he doesn't even have time to eat... here he is ordering a Pizza as he arrives for Subhash Ghai's party. He was hoping that Subhash jee had laid on a 4 course meal but it seems that wasn't the case. Subhash jee has had a couple of big failures at the Box Office and has no spare cash to feed the people at his parties. Hence, Duggu ordering a pizza for himself... but the good news is that he left his pregnant again wife at home... so it would only be one pizza... and not 12.

Salman Khan is on the run... run... run...

Salman Khan is on the run... watching his back every step he takes. Because he is also worried that he may end up behind bars... just as Sanjay Dutt. Sanjay has been sent to prison (again) and it is only a matter of time before Salman is taken back... maybe the two could end up in the same prison... and then perform a Prison Break...

Amisha Patel shows she has Bionic legs

Ooh my... they are letting schoolgirls out on a school night. Here is one school girl that sneaked away through her bedroom window and has come out to party. However, her boyfriend never turned up so now she is all alone and has no one to take her back home. With legs like those she could run like the Bionic Woman... and get home in a jiffy.

Shah Rukh gets molested by the Hand

Here is the hand that nearly molested Shah Rukh Khan. It happened earlier today at the Filmfare October issue launch, and it happened as Shah Rukh came for the event. The hand belonged to no one and just appeared out of nowhere. Shah Rukh survived the molestation. However, police are still looking for the hand and believe it may have absconded from the country. If you know who this hand belongs to, contact the police. But please do not approach it... it is highly dangerous.

Sonu Nigam goes to Harvard to teach

Sonu Nigam has had enough of singing (and acting) and has decided to teach... and not only that but teach at Harvard. His look is ideal for a professor... now if only he could find any students...

Farah's babies will be popped after Diwali

Meet Farah Khan and her triplets... they are close to being popped out... she is just hoping they pop out after Diwali... because she don't want nothing popping in the way of Om Shanti Om release. We wish Farah all the best and great happiness for the future. God bless her.

Deepika has a problem and requires help

Deepika has been affected by a mystery illness. It happens only to women and that once every month. She has no idea what to do about it or who to take advice from. She has been suffering from it for about 6 years now. Shah Rukh tried to cure it for her, but then she had to see his dangling bits, and that wasn't a good sight. Can anyone else help her?

Upen needs someone to look at his hole

Help! Someone help Upen Patel re-start his 6-pac and body muscles. He turned them off last night, but now cant reach the hole(!) to put the key in. Someone help me quick or a million girls might have to do without it tonight.

Hot News: Hrithik is dating Brittany Spears

Shock horror! I can't believe it! This can not be happening... Hrithik Roshan has began dating Brittany Spears... is he mad? Hrithik what are you upto... don't you know Brittany can't hit in any more baby... She is finished baba. Oops. Sorry. That's his wife... Suzanne. She is pretending to be Brittany... why would anyone pretend to be Brittany...

Jackie and Chunkey discuss drugs in Bollywood

Yeh drugs bi kya cheez hai bhai... hero se zero... aur zero se chunkey... Here are Chunkey Pandey and Jackie Shroff discussing the virtues of drug taking. Chunky is pondering if he should have taken drugs while his career was on a high in the early 90s... Jackie is advising him that he still can... birru drugs cheez hai kamaal ki.

Me, You, and Vivek... Gauri what is this?

Gauri Khan wants some excitement in the bedroom... and she has arranged a special three-some. She is just explaining to husband Shah Rukh Khan, that she has asked Vivek Oberoi to come back home with them tonight. Shah Rukh Khan is not pleased at all... but Vivek is happy... more than happy...

Karan Johar has an accident in public view

Here is Karan Johar... he is the one lost now... it seems someone put him out to play with the other kids... but the other kids taunted him over his sexuality... and he got so scared... that he had an accident... he has wet himself... Karan, did your mother never tell you... it's all about how not to wet yourself in public.

Shah Rukh arranges meeting with lover as wife looks on

The princess looks on without a clue in the world, as her prince arranges a secret hotel liason with his gay director lover. Gauri Khan is lost for the world as Shah Rukh Khan and Karan Johar book a hotel room for the night... for the two of them.

Malaika has a tough time with her breasts

A Bollywood girl desperate to show you her chest... yes this is the sexiest mother on the planet... aka Malaika Arora Khan..... and here she is at an event last night trying very hard to expose her breasts. One of these days she will succeed and we will all be in Arora Heavan.

Salman Khan needs help from Allah, Ram, and Jesus

Salman Khan is a having a faith crises. First he was a Muslim... then he worshipped a Hindu idol... and now he is wearing the Christian cross. Swaying his head towards the heavens and looking for guidance... but who will help him... Allah, Ram, or Jesus?

John Abraham has misplaced his manhood

Has anyone seen John's manly part? He had it on him just now, and suddenly it vanished. He is showing the exact size of his manhood, that has been lost, and wants you to find it for him as soon as possible... or Bipasha might leave him... he needs it for her. My guess is fellow actor Shahid Kapoor has ran of with it... so he can get Kareena back.

Saif has a paused grin above his chin

Saif Ali Khan is so happy that the grin on his face has been paused... for all to enjoy. He is happy because he has won the girl of his dreams... the girl that everyone wanted... the girl that Shahid had... the girl that he now has. What he sees in her... I have no idea! The only thing that I see in her is _ _ _ _ all.

Katrina loses Salman at the Mela

The Kat has lost the leapord... Salman Khan has hid himself from Katrina and she is in a right strop. Someone please find him before Katrina has another flush.

John Abraham is an alien in disguise

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And we will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! So go back John Abraham... we have fought aliens before and you are nothing for us... go back to your planet.

Gauri's shoulders make gay people straight

Gauri Khan is one mean looking bird... she looks ace... and her shoulders are what do the trick... she has the best shoulders in India right now... and they are so cute and adorable... that a guy that bats for the other side is also admiring em... we love you Gauri.

Meet Sridevi and her daughter Jhanvi

Meet Sridevi... the eternal beauty of Bollywood... and mini-devi... Jhanvi Kapoor... Jhanvi is the daughter of her and Boney Kapoor... Have a look at the two... dont they look great?

Meet the HOMEO, the BI, and the A

Sex doesn't come any better than this... The asexual, the homesexual, and the bisexual. Now it is upto you to imagine which is which...

Upen is a lost puppy without a master

Upen Patel wanders around like a lost puppy... his master has misplaced him and gone to hunt without him. Now what will Upen do... I know... go back to UK... and leave the girls to us!

Manisha becomes a pre-diet Adnan Sami

My oh my... how the beautiful have fallen. The once love of the cinema screen is now the nightmare of many a child... looking like a female version of pre-diet Adnan Sami... Manisha Koirala is nearing death... fashion and fat death that is...

Mallika is slimmer than a slim-shady cocktail

Slim as a slim-shady cocktail... this is Mallika Arora Khan... the groovest most coolest mum on the planet. She hip and hops... she can drop a mean dance... and she can look like outta this world. Never once do you lose interest in her features... if all mothers were like this...

Kareena sends love texts to Saif in front of Shahid

Now this is rubbing salt in the wound... come on Kareena give Shahid a break. The poor guy has already lost the love of his life (to a middle aged prince aka Saif Ali Khan)... it's already killing him seeing Kareena while both of them promote Jab We Met... and to top that all... Kareena selfishly sends love texts to Saif Ali Khan in front of Shahid... live on television. How low a blow is that? We are begining to hate you Bebo... get your act together...

Katrina Kaif has a hot flush...

Hang on guys... hold you hands out... and everything else... the Kat is about to have a hot flush! This is your once in a lifetime chance... don't miss it. Salman is so lucky, he get's to be flushed by Katrina all the time. Don't we wish we were Salman... If only wishes were horses...

Neetu married young to produce Ranbir

If Rishi Kapoor is washing his hands, then his wife is putting it all on. Former Bollywood teen-heartthrob Neetu Singh is dressed to impress... she married young... but then that gave us Ranbir... had she not had married so early in her life then we would not have seen Ranbir for a while... agree?

Rishi Kapoor washes his hands for Ranbir

Finally, he washes away the tag of being the best actor from the Kapoor clan. Rishi Kapoor is looking happy as larry now that his son is about take over the mantle... Ranbir Kapoor will be seen next month... in Saawariya.

Bipasha Basu wears a tent to hide John

Bollywood starlet Bipasha Basu wears a tent for the day. And walks the ramp to show it of. Now someone explain to me... where is the fashion in this? What does one get out of wearing something so obsecure and 'big'. And big here is an understatement. We all know Bipasha Basu has a high active sex life, but this is a little over the top... or do you call that 'through the bottom'?

Meet a Bollywood actor under the influence

If you ever needed a photo to describe the horrors of drug use, then this is the one. A high class Bollywood actor under the influence of narcotics. It has become quite common for Indian movie stars to use drugs to keep them alive and kicking... but if this is what it does to you... then what is the point.

Say Amen to John and Bipasha's affair

Meet Bollywood's answer to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (minus the baby). This is a picture that finally quashes any rumours of a split between the two. John Abraham and Bipasha Basu look good together, and I for once wish this Bollywood pair, a great Bollywood love affair. And now you all say Amen!

Rahul decides to strangle himself at last

Rahul Bose attended a function last night but then decided he had had enough. Not of the function, but of being known as a never-to-be SRK. Someone told him he was a would-be Om Puri. After hearing this remark... he decided to kill himself... with his tie... dont we all wish!

Rani rushes to viagra pumped Aditya

Last night I tried to have a chat with Rani Mukherjee... but she was in a hurry. Apparently, her boyfriend Aditya Chopra had taken a good few pills of viagra and she had to rush home to him, before he made a mess of the bed sheets. We make a mess without viagra.... come to us Rani!

Ejaz Khan waxes his chest and comes out to play

Ejaz Khan has had his chest waxed and he got it done just now. His mum let him out to show it to all the other kids in the street. He is well proud of it. Next he is gonna have a bikini wax and then a brazillian... if anyone else is interested in having the same done, please contact Ejaz's mother.

Sangeeta Ghosh retires from semi-semi-porno teleserials

Aruna Irani's protege has decided to cover up all her valuable assets. Sangeeta Ghosh, famous for showing her massive chest on the front cover of magazine Showtime, has now retired from semi-semi-porno teleserials. Instead she will use her immaculate talents to.... erm... hmm... you can finish of the sentence.

Celina looks beautiful in black

Maine poocha chaand se... ke dekha hai kahin... meri Celina sa haseen... Chand ne kaha... Mallika ki kasam... naheen naheen naheen. Even though she looks good in any colour she wears, the outstanding colour is Black. Celina is beautiful in black... and we love her for wearing black.

Upen Patel strips on the ramp of stardom

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo or in this case... Upen Patel: Dekho Mujko... never one to give up the opportunity to show his twelve-pack, our Upen is a cut above the rest. His acting skills may be lesser than a Cheshir Cat, but he can sure flatter you with lots of body show!

Kim Sharma only has the legs left to show

Knock Knock.
Who'se There?
Kim.
Kim Who?
Open the door, see my legs and then say 'Kim Who?

She probably only has the legs left to show... the rest has all been seen, done, t-shirt bought. If not in our case then in Yuvraj Singh's case...

Esha Deol finally gets recognised

"Oh finally I get recognised. Mum, Mum, come quick. I've been clicked." Yes, you have finally been recognised... and this time you didn't have to shed you're clothes for it. Esha baby, when are you going to realise that Bollywood aint your cup of tea? You just aint that good enough to make it hunz. Just sit back and watch Papa and Mama and big brothers do the job...

Salman has messed his hair up with curry

Can someone show Salman Khan the way to the men's room please. He has had the experience of a dodgy kebab the night before and he looks in pain. And not only that... look at his hair... it seems he is wearing a curry...

The hand of Amitabh can create miracles

This is the greatest hand in India... it is the hand that can do miracles... this hand has ruled the Bollywood film industry for decades... but this hand has struggled to make its own off-spring mini-hand a mega star. If only miracles could work at home.

Is Tusshar giving signals to Kareena?

If everyone else is sticking it up her... be it Shahid Kapur or Saif Ali Khan... then why shouldn't he. Tusshar is giving signals to Kareena that he is available. He is willing to give her a good time, as long as she is happy to be associated with a bisexual son of a jumping jack.

Aftab Shivdasani is ready to sleep on the couch

A Bollywood actor in need of some serious work. Aftab Shivdasani is begging for a role that can up him into the big league of stars. Right now he is willing to take any role, as long as it is with Shah Rukh Khan. He is willing to play just about anything... and do just about anything... Can someone bring ina couch please...